Skank You, Very Much

Recently, I was in a having a formal dress fitted at a local boutique. It was a Tuesday evening & there was only one other customer in the store. She was in her late 40's or early 50's & was a very attractive woman -- pretty face, body in good shape.

It saddened me endlessly to see this beautiful woman trying on lovely gowns a few sizes too small. Why do women do this? It's a crime against nature, I swear. So often you see an otherwise attractive woman wearing an outfit 3 sizes too small. A size 2 suddenly has an unbecoming muffintop but the same lady would be a knockout if she was simply wearing the same outfit in the proper size.

Also depressing is the beautiful woman in an outfit made for hanging on a pole. You see it everywhere, from the clubs to the mall, so I guess this is one unsightly phenomena that's here to stay. I was recently at a wedding where the bride is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in person & has a body most of us only dream of achieving.

But for her gown, she chose a backless, sequined, bedazzled thing that just looked cheap. It makes me sad that so many sisters have so little self-respect or just plain bad taste. I'm by no means a fashionista of any sort. Most days I can be spotted in jeans & a casual shirt so I'm not cutting down on anyone's fashion sense by any means, I promise.

I just don't understand why a woman who would be a knock-out in a classy get-up would choose to be a skank in some midriff-baring, cleavage-line-to-the-navel, butt-crack-exposing anything.

In the case of the woman at the boutique, my societal malaise soon turned to horror. She wanted a specific dress but needed to have the fabric dyed because the available color was too similar to the color of the bridesmaids' dresses.

"Oh, a wedding, no, you don't want to dress like the bridesmaids," the proprieter agreed.

"Well, as the mother of the bride, I just can't," the woman lamented.

Egads! For all of the times I've wished my parents were just slightly more hip, I take it back, every single one. I can't imagine the horror that would stem from having your mother dressed like a mid-priced call girl at your formal wedding.

Time Flies

Hard to believe it's been 2 whole months since posting. It seems like just yesterday I was ranting away. All of my time had been occupied by two main duties: buying a house & being a bridesmaid. It was the first (and hopefully last) time for both activities.

Being a bridesmaid was torturous. I've warned all of my friends "don't even bother asking" because I'll never do that again. Weddings are hell & everybody should just get married in Vegas. I was under the (mistaken) impression that once all the fittings, showers, rehearsals, etc. were over, we could enjoy the ceremony & then celebrate.

Umm, no.

Who knew that wedding photographers were spawned from one of the 7 levels of hell? I think the mass was over around 4:30 but we didn't actually get to the reception (a whole 3 miles away) until almost 7:30. Yes, it took nearly 3 hours for him to realize his artistic vision. Sorry but I truly believe that various members of the wedding party took some better shots . . .

It was great to see friends & relatives that I normally only get to see at funerals but all in all, I wouldn't want to do it again. Luckily, she's my only sister & I know in my heart my two brothers won't make the same demands of me.

Buying a house was an interesting experience but fraught with frustration & anxiety. My realtor is an absolute saint, one of the most knowledgable, patient & diplomatic people I've ever had the good fortune to know. The seller's agent was a frightening reptile of a woman, crazy as a shithouse rat & often speaking in tongues. No kidding.

The house is perfect for me & I can't wait for moving day (not far away). There's one small drawback, however -- crazy-selling-agent lives next door. Yep, we'll be neighbors. If I drop off the radar for a few days around the end of the month, it's because I'm hard at work constructing an 8 ft. electric fence with barbed-wire topping down one side of my property. Right now, I'm just wondering how much it's going to cost to change all those locks?

But the important thing are taken care of, so that's all that really matters: All utilities will be on before the closing's over & the Dish installer should be finished before I'm done moving my furniture. After all, how can a house truly be a home if one is unable to watch Family Guy?