I'm Ba-aaack

I have no good reason for taking an unannounced hiatus, especially such a long one. There's nothing I can say that won't sound snively & lame so I'm not going to say anything at all.

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Tools

I suspect that humans have a "lame gene" which is passed to offspring by cluelessly uncool parents. Case in point: This MSNBC article introduces us to a 5 year old who's been suspended from kindergarten for having a mohawk. And it's not actually a mohawk at all but rather a dorky pro-wrestler mullethawk.

Even more depressing is the fact that mom is transferring him to a new school rather than give him a respectable haircut. She says it's discrimination & he "loves" his mullethawk so she won't make him give it up.

Hello, he's 5 years old. He doesn't get to make these kinds of decisions yet. If he has that kind of autonomy then you're clearly not fulfilling your role as a parent. But it seems far more likely that an uncool mom is merely passing on uncool tastes to her offspring.

Psychologists tell us that when you feed a baby any food for the first time, you taste it & show pleasure before offering the child a bite. If you're wrinkling your nose & cringing away from the jar, Junior isn't going to eat his pureed prunes without a fight. Our kids are genetically wired to emulate us in their early years.

So if you're a parent, take this responsibility seriously. The coolness quotient of the next generation rests on our shoulders. And please remember that hair tales & mullets are always a don't.

And "fauxhawks" are the pastel-colored NFL gear of hair. Which is to say, if you can't commit to the real thing, why bother?